Daddy Tears

 

I walked down the halls of the hospital, and, although our visit was a joyful one, my emotions were a jumbled mess. I was visiting a friend and her newborn, yet, I was reliving years worth of memories…several special memories, but mostly overwhelmingly painful ones.

 

 

 

The mere scent and familiarity of the hospital always stirs up a certain amount of emotion and turmoil within me. As I walked passed the doors that lead to the operating room, the cardiac care unit, or the dreaded cancer ward, so many memories flashed before my mind. But, lately, one particular memory is etched in my mind, and God has been reminding me of it. And contrary to what you’d think, it has actually been a comforting thought. Let me explain…

 

You see, at first, when our children were in one hospital after another, I was always the one who stayed at the hospital, never leaving their bedside. My family had to insist that I leave them for even a few minutes to go outside for a brief walk and to take care of myself. I wanted to always be there when they faced anything painful. I cried with them during the painful “digging” in their tiny veins, those ugly spinal taps, and the horrible experience of a bone biopsy. It broke my heart! I tried to be strong on the outside, but eventually my health and nerves began falling apart. After years of this stress, I finally got to the place where I could no longer physically or emotionally handle it.

 

This is when my dear husband stepped in and insisted that he would be there with our children. He began taking them for their lab work and painful procedures. At this point, we realized they were going to face years of ongoing treatments, and he persistently asked for special permission to go into the operating and procedure rooms with Austin and Alisha. Because this is highly unusual, he had to “jump through many hoops” to make it happen. He would “gown up” with the sterile operating-room gear to be allowed to go with them. It would’ve been hard for others to distinguish him from the team of doctors and nurses who were preparing for the procedure, but to our children, daddy’s presence made all the difference.

 

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Photo Credit: Phalinn Ooi 

 

 

As the children were scared of the glaring lights, the gowned staff, and intimidating equipment, their loving daddy would encourage them to lay on the hard stretcher. He would help to strap their hands and feet while assuring them that everything was going to be okay. (In fact, several staff members told him that they wish the hospital would hire him to help with all of their patients.) Duane would assure our children that he would stay there with them until they were asleep. Then he would talk them through the procedure of breathing in the gas mask until the sedation kicked in and their little bodies would go limp. He would then exit the room as the anesthesiologist and doctors would take over. But the story doesn’t end there….

 

When I saw the doors to the operating rooms and cardiac catheterization laboratory, at that hospital I was visiting, my mind flashed back to the scene that repeated many times outside those doors. The strong and encouraging daddy, who always calmly reassured our children, would some times walk out of the door, and we would meet together in an embrace…and he would cry. We would cry together. He never became immune to the sufferings of his children. It always broke his heart. He spoke the words, “You’re doing great…Don’t be scared, you’re going to be okay…I will help you…I promise, I’ll be here with you.” And although he didn’t feel the physical pain like our children did, this daddy suffered emotional pain when his children suffered.

 

My friend, think about it. Where have you heard these words before? “Don’t be scared, you’re going to be okay…I will help you…I promise to be here with you.”

 

Have you ever felt like God must not love you because He is allowing you to suffer? Have you felt abandoned by God because He didn’t heal you or answer your pleas in the way you thought He should? Do you struggle and begin believing that He doesn’t care?

 

I believe, with all my heart, that God is deeply pained when He sees us suffering. It breaks His “daddy heart.” Yes, He is cheering us on and is saying, “Be strong.” “Keep fighting.” “Don’t grow weary in well-doing.” “Fear not, for I am with you…” 

 

Just because He doesn’t change the circumstance or prevent bad things from happening to us, it doesn’t mean that He doesn’t care. In fact, I think it’s interesting that the Bible talks about God wiping the tears away from our eyes AFTER the earth is passed away and there is a new heaven and earth. (Rev. 21:1-4) Could it be that God Himself sheds tears in heaven for us today when He sees us suffering?

 

My friend, God has done so much more than “gowning up” and entering the operating and procedure rooms with us. Not only has He promised to carry us through each difficult trial we face, but He also has physically suffered for each of us in more ways than we can even imagine.

 

My husband allowed our children to face these painful situations because he knew it was what they needed and ultimately for their own good. He allowed their short term suffering for their long term good. It would be ridiculous for our children to blame their daddy for not stopping the doctors from doing the necessary procedures. But, so often, we do this to God. We don’t have the correct view of Him and His “Daddy” heart.

 

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Photo Credit: Fruity Monkey

 

 

How intimately do you know your “Daddy”? Do you know His own heart hurts and bleeds just as deeply when you face pain and loss? Have you experienced His presence in your storms? Won’t you trust Him as He whispers words of comfort into your darkest night? He really does long to move you from pain to purpose. Are you assured that He is weeping “Daddy tears” when you are scared and hurting? My friend, do you recognize Him and hear His voice in the midst of your difficulties?

 

~Cindy (For The Mullett Family)

 

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14 Responses

  1. Arlene says:

    WOW Cindy….
    Just what I needed to read as I have been praying for healing of my right knee. It hasn’t happened and I wondered “why God” don’t you heal it like you have healed other people’s knees, backs, etc. I have really struggled like I must not be good enough for Him to heal me. So thanks for the reminder in this blog to not give up and to remain strong in my faith in God. God bless you all!!!

  2. Cheryl Martin says:

    Such a beautiful post! Thanks so much for sharing your heart! May God continue to comfort your hearts as you think of Austin celebrating life in Heaven.

  3. Christa R says:

    This is painfully beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for the reminder, hugs and love to you!

  4. Marilyn says:

    Thanks! God bless you for sharing. I needed this reminder. 8yrs ago my Hubby Dear went Home. 3 wks ago our oldest son joined him in Heaven. This morning was looking forward to attending church n our 3 rd son suffered a seizure. He’s got a seizure disorder n his come in clusters. So when they start, its usually several days in a row. Then usually 2-4 wks w/out any. So I’m not complaining. Just disappointed. It’s just another change of plans. But God is good all the time. Maybe He wants me to write another song? Guess we’ll find out. Reminds me of the one called, Not My Will, that He gave. Again thanks for sharing. Pray for us….

  5. Lois says:

    Thank you, Cindy. This is just what I needed today. I am dying of stomach cancer and some days are a struggle. Today I struggle with nausea, weakness, and discouragement. Thank You for helping me to feel our Fathers love through it all.

  6. Cindy Mullett says:

    Praise God, Arlene! Sometimes we don’t understand why God allows what He does, or why He doesn’t heal…but one thing we can be assured of is His great love for us. Continue trusting Him through this time… ~Cindy

  7. Cindy Mullett says:

    Oh, Marilyn, I’m so sorry to hear of the many losses you’ve experienced. I can’t imagine all your pain, but I also know nothing is outside of the limit of God’s grace. I pray that God will give you the daily grace that you need, and carry you when your strength is gone. We will be praying for you! ~Cindy

  8. Cindy Mullett says:

    Lois,
    May the God of all comfort, grace, and mercy comfort you with His presence and give you His peace that passes all understanding. I pray that you will find rest in the arms of Jesus and the assurance that He will carry you safely each step along the way. I pray that you will recognize the lies of the enemy and hear the voice of Jesus gently speaking and comforting you during your toughest times. Hugs and tears….Our family will be praying for you. ~Cindy

  9. Krista Stoltzfus says:

    That is just beautiful and moved me to tears. In walking through loosing my husband, and other things situations in life, I’ve learned that our Father really does speak comforting and reassuring words, especially in deep pain. He’s a faithful Father. Thanks for being His vessels 🙂

  10. Selah says:

    So beautifully put. You are using your pain to help others. In my eyes: this is using your pain for God’s glory.
    Had you never walked these valleys of darkness with Jesus~ how would you be able to truly sympathize with those who are in dark places of grief and pain?
    Our love to you…

  11. Valarie Stoll says:

    Cindy, I don’t think anyone truely understands what a parent of a seriously ill child goes through unless you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. What you have described is exactly what we have experienced for the last two years. At first when my son would cry for his momma to go back to the surgery suite with him till he fell asleep, I wanted to encourage him to go himself, to “be a big boy”. But there was always something that he would request I do with him before they gave him the “sleepy”medicine. He wanted me to pray with him. So there with all the docs and nurses around ready to take over, we stopped and I would pray, for him, for his safety, for the docs and nurses too. I began to realize that God was giving the opportunity to us to witness to those people through the the life of our precious son. I stopped trying to make him “grow up” and began to use the opportunity to pray for the staff and him. My prayer is that God continues to open my eyes to opportunities to share my Jesus. Bless you as you remember your children and their precious lives. Precious memories…how they linger…how they ever flood my soul.

  12. Mary H says:

    Oh wow Cindy, thank you for sharing! As we struggle with our daily battles with diabetes of our two girls. Sometimes my heart wonders “why”. You have given me a fresh perspective of God and who he is. And as we await test results of another one of our kiddos, we will rest in knowing that God knows best and will walk the road with us! God bless you for writing this wonderful piece!

  13. Cindy Mullett says:

    May God bless you, Krista, as you continue hearing the comforting and sweet voice of Jesus. I’m so sorry to hear of you loosing your husband, and we will certainly be praying for you. May you find sweet rest and peace in the arms of your “Daddy.” ~Cindy

  14. Cindy Mullett says:

    Wow, Valerie! This is a beautiful reflection of how God wants to use our tough, painful trials and stresses to minister to others. May God give you the daily strength that you need to face the “giants” in your life and to find sufficient grace for each moment. Yes, I agree that we simply don’t understand unless we’ve walked the journey ourselves. This is why I never want to be quick in judging others, but want to reach out in compassion to them. We will also pray for your son’s physical healing. God bless you as you walk this stressful journey. Don’t make the mistake I did in not taking better care of myself and thinking I still needed to be as productive in other areas like other women. ~Cindy

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